It is finally time for the end fo the epic Box on Legs tale. This story was less about Will, but still great. And the ending is fantastic.
That photo above is my Christmas present from my wife and roommate. It is a Build a Bear Pikachu dressed as Will, complete with the doosh glasses, white high top shoes and wifebeater. Enjoy.
So here we go.
Last I left you we were leaving Florida Super Con. We were going to stop at Will’s house and change clothes, you know because I didn’t want to walk into any rest stops on the way home dressed as Sailor Jupiter, might get awkward.
Now everyone had eaten lunch but Box on Legs and her boyfriend. They had gotten lunch from an asian place off site and brought it to the car for the drive home. Now being a normal rational person I thought they would eat the food on the 35 minute drive back to Will’s place so we could change and leave immediately for the 3-4 hour drive back home. Considering it was already 5 p.m. and we were trying to get as much driving time done before the sun went down, it was a legitimate assumption.
Well I couldn’t have been more wrong. We get back to Will’s place, and my wife roommate and I change back to normal clothes. Then we get all our bags packed and are pulling them out to the hall when we see Box on Legs and her boyfriend sitting at the kitchen table, just starting to eat. We all give them a WTF look and ask why they aren’t read.
They inform us they need to eat their lunch since they didn’t have time to at the con, even though we didn’t leave the con until 4:30 p.m. So we ask why they didn’t eat in the car on the way back, they don’t like eating in cars and didn’t want to make a mess.
So we pack the car and hope they will eat quickly. We get back upstairs to Will’s place, and they are still eating. So we dick around a little, we get this AMAZING VIDEO of Will humbling himself. And they are still eating.
At around 6 p.m. we tell them we are leaving now, because it will be dark soon. They complain about not being done eating and we tell them to hurry up they have five minutes. I stealthily take Will’s stolen Oakleys and put them on the top of my head.
We start walking out the door to leave, saying our goodbyes to Will as the two stragglers are running around to finish packing their bags. We get all the way down the stairs and Will notices he is missing his sunglasses. He starts asking me and my wife about it. I look him dead in the eye with the sunglasses on my head and tell him I have no idea what happened.
I would have gotten away with it too, but we had to wait another 10 minutes for tweedle dee and tweedle dumb so Will eventually noticed the sunglasses on my head and took them back.
We finally get on the road, and our roommate makes an excuse to why she can’t sit in the far back and has to sit in the middle seats. YES, we have banished them to the far back seats where they will be less of an annoyance, or so I thought.
All goes fairly smoothly for the first hour or so of the trip. My wife and roommate are playing Fantasy Life on their 3DS’s and co-opping in the game. Box on Legs and BF are talking together quietly in the back.
About two hours into the trip, my wife and roommate are napping. Apparently Box on Legs and BF think this is the perfect opportunity to make out in the back of my car. Like hard core, eating each others faces making out. I see this in the rear view mirror, and seeing as I am on a fairly busy highway I have to keep looking in the mirror to make sure we don’t die.
I cannot tell you how annoying it is to look in your mirror to see if a lane is open and getting a full softcore porn of two people you never want to see again instead.
Finally my wife and roommate wake up around the 2:30-3 hour mark, and the two in the back stop. I have to make a pitstop because I have a tiny bladder and it is a miracle I lasted 3 hours in the first place. So I inform the car I will be stopping at the next rest stop. This rest stop is about 30 minutes from our house, so we were getting pretty close to home at this point. It is also around 9 p.m. and very dark at this point.
Box on Legs asks why we are stopping and can’t we just go straight home. I tell her I have to use the bathroom. She asks why I can’t wait. I inform her I could pee on her instead if she wants. We make the pitstop.
Now this is the single funniest thing I have ever seen in my life. My wife and roommate get out of the car quick and head inside to grab a soda and a snack. I am stuck waiting for Mr. and Mrs. why can’t we just go home to get out of the car so I can lock it up. While waiting I get to see BF step out of the car and wait for Box on Legs. Now the way the seats work in my car is that there are three rows of bucket seats. So to get out of the far back you have to put one seat down and crawl over it.
Box on Legs goes to crawl over the seat and once she gets to the door, instead of swinging your legs out like a normal person and sliding out of the car, she just falls forward face first. Now imagine a newborn giraffe trying to take its first steps and just falling forward. That is what it looked like. BF grabs her before she hits the ground and tries his damdest to keep her upright. She probably outweighs him by 100-150 pounds. He manages to get her upright without falling, which was quite impressive.
I close the doors and lock the car and try not to die laughing. I use the restroom and grab a quick snack with my wife and we go out to the car. Those two are not back yet. We look into the store and don’t see them. About a minute later we see BF come out of the bathroom, and a couple minutes after that Box on Legs follows from the women’s room. They then spend 5 more minutes looking at soda and snacks. Then they don’t buy anything and come out to the car.
We finally get off our exit, and I stop to get gas. I inform Box on Legs and BF that now is the time I need the like 23 dollars each from them. BF tells me he only has a 20, but he can try to write me a check. I tell him 20 is fine. Box on Legs starts huffing through her bag in a frantic manner. She is obviously putting on a show of looking for cash. She stops and looks up all upset.
“I’m going to have to right you a check.”
I tell her that is fine, but I need it as soon as I am done pumping gas. I close the door and pump the gas. While I am pumping gas she starts writing the check, then looks up and says to my wife and roommate, “Do you think he would mind if I postdated the check?”
They both just laugh. They tell her that they think I am planning to cash it soon, so she shouldn’t do that.
I get back in the car and she hands me the check. I immediately drive to the bank across the street and deposit the check into my bank account with Box on Legs in the back of the car. I double check the date to make sure it was not postdated.
Now we are on our way to my house. My roommate overhears BF ask Box on Legs if they still want to see a movie tonight, or if they can’t afford it.
We get back to our house about five minutes later and we tell her she needs to move the car (because we have a one lane driveway at that time.) She gets her boyfriend to do it because it is dark and she doesn’t like driving at night.
While she and her boyfriend are moving the car to the parking lot of the small medical office building across the street that we are currently parked in, we start taking all of their bags and stacking them next to my car. When they pull in next to us, I tell BF that their bags are right there and we are going to park our car. I hope they have a good drive home.
Box on Legs says that it is pretty late. She wants to know if there is any extra sleeping space in the house we are renting at the time. Considering we were supposed to have moved out of the house three months before this and everything that isn’t the bed and our clothes and the pull out couch that our roommate was sleeping on is in boxes and stacked in the only other room in the 650 square foot house, I inform her that no, there is no space for two extra people. She huffs and I say goodbye as I drive the car back to the house. We grab our bags, go inside and lock all the doors.
Their car was still across the street 30 minutes later when we went to bed.
Now comes the real kicker. The next day I get to work (remember Box on Legs was a coworker of mine) and she isn’t there yet. Now I get there early because I work early hours, so I didn’t expect her to be there at 7 a.m. But I did expect her in before noon.
She comes waltzing in around 12:45p.m. looking all frazzled. She has the desk to the left of mine, separated by a small cubicle wall because I’m in sports and she is in news. So I can hear everything she says. Her computer informs her she needs to change her password and takes her to that screen. She asks another reporter on that side what she needs to do. The reporter says type in a new password. She does that. Then she looks at the next line.
“What is my old password?” She asks.
I just got up and walked away and took my lunch a few minutes early. I had to get out of there before I lost it.
About two months later I ran into her while I was cooking my lunch. She asked me if I was going to any more cons. I happened to be going to one that weekend, but I told her no. Then I asked about her BF. He dumped her about a month back. She doesn’t understand why. Its ok she’s going to a con with some of her other friends (coworkers she duped into tagging along with) anyway.
About a month after that she was fired for not showing up to work, or randomly showing up after noon without informing anyone that she would be in late after being warned multiple times to stop doing that.
Last I heard she was planning to go back to school to get her masters in, and I kid you not, blogging.
Have a wonderful Christmas/Chanukah/Festivus or whatever it is you celebrate. I will be seeing Star Wars because our family is holding Christmas on the 26th this year because it is easier for everyone to be there that day.
If you missed a week, I’ve got you covered. Last week’s is linked above.