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The Things Will Carried: Double Beater

Back to the normal day this week!

So now we will pick up during a break in my junior year in college (full disclosure: Will has been to three different colleges in three different states and does not have his degree. He currently “plans” to go back at some point in the “near” future).


Phil and I are hanging out in the P-Town (Portland, Maine, that is what we called it, don’t judge my 21-year old self, he was dumb) and called Will to see what he was up to. Both Phil and Will lived in Portland, like seven minutes from each other, so we always used to hook up for dinner and movies and the like. We decide to hit Applebys because it is the closest thing and Phil and I like getting dessert there.

Phil and I drive down together and meet will there. He is dressed in his normal sleeveless shirt with a wife beater underneath – this becomes important. Side note: Later in life when Will was my roommate I discovered that he wears a wife beater under his shirt every day so that he has to do less laundry because he sweats into the wife beater and not his shirt. It is exactly as gross as it sounds.

Anyway back in, we sit down at a table and an attractive young waitress gets our drink orders. I am not a drinker of the alcohols so I just get a soda. Phil and Will both order alcoholic beverages, Phil gets wine and Will gets a Bud Light Lime. I will never forget it was a Bud Light Lime because they served it with a slice of lime attached to the lip of the bottle and in his infinite wisdom Will pokes the lime all the way into the bottle, then tries to fish it back out. He obviously can’t fish it out because, you know, bottle necks are really small and a lime isn’t.

He complains to us that he can’t get the lime out and we just stare at him dumbfounded. So all the while the waitress has been kind of flirting with Will and joking with him about the lime. We are not sure if it is real or just trying to get better tips, but at the time we were pretty sure she was at least a little serious. While she is talking to him and he is kind of flirting back, Phil drops his wine glass, it bounces twice and slams right onto Will’s chest. Like a perfect shot. Not a drop spilled until it hit Will.


The waitress starts to bring him napkins to clean up and even offers to get him a new shirt (we still don’t know how that was possible) but Will just calmly stands and says, “don’t worry” as he pulls off his wet and stained shirt. The wife beater underneath has also got some wine on it and is damp, so he pulls that off as well... revealing ANOTHER identical wife beater underneath dry as can be.

At this point Phil and I can’t handle it anymore and we just start to laugh. The waitress gives will a few more napkins to set his wet shirts on and goes to get Phil another wine. Will just looks at us like we are crazy and goes back to trying to pull the lime out of his Bud Light Lime.


To this day I still don’t know why he wore two wife beaters that fateful evening. He normally wears only one, and on some occasions puts on two for reasons only his brain understands (preparing to drink with Phil maybe?).

He never did get that lime out of that bottle.


P.S. Next week will begin some of the more “adult” stories about Will. I can’t wait, I am so excited :)

P.P.S. Want to catch up on earlier stories... I’ve got you covered!


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