So once again Will has gone all radio silence on me so we will have to wait for the next installment of his story. But not to fear, I have a multipart story that is absolutely bonkers from start to finish about the girl Will almost married.

Now by almost married I mean she was totally ready to get hitched until she moved in with him for literally one month. Anyway, here we go, the beginning of a tragic tale of love and loss.

Will has always worked as a manager/assistant manager at sporting goods stores since he dropped out of college. This story begins in Maine while he is working at an Olympia Sports as the manager of the store.

There is this girl who works there, lets call her Lauren. So she already has a boyfriend, but Will is attracted to her. Since the last time he fooled around with a taken girl didn’t work out too well, he had a rule against doing that.

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So they flirt a little at work, and become friends. But in true Will fashion, the winter roles around and he MUST go to Florida. But something complicates this move. You see, apparently Will is actually a decent store manager and he was being offered a promotion from corporate to be the area manager of southern Maine. So he would have gotten a pretty good salary and good benefits, but he would have been required to stay in Maine.

Will does not want to take the promotion (for many reasons, first being that he still believes he will go back to college and become a sports broadcaster, and he sees manager work at a store as beneath him) so he turns it down. But instead of telling his bosses that he can’t take it because he likes to live in Florida for half the year, he makes up some crazy story. He tells them that he was offered a job at a radio station in Hollywod, Florida at KBLL.

Ok, you might say, that is a little weird, but I understand not wanting to just turn down the job. That is fair. What happened next is the part he will never live down.

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Lauren had overheard what he said, and when he returned to Maine over Christmas, she had broken up with her boyfriend and they started to date. She thought he had this great job as a sports broadcaster. He never told her the truth.

So after a few days of dating, he went back to Florida (It was still winter afterall) and they continued a long-distance relationship. And Will, not wanting to screw it up because of his stupid lie, continued to pretend he had the radio station job.

Every night the two of them would talk on the phone for a while, and every night at 5:30 p.m. Will would walk out to his car, get in it, turn on the engine and tell Lauren good bye because he had to go to his pre-show meeting. Then when he hung up the phone he would shut off the car and go inside to watch the game on TV.

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He carried on this farce every single day for six months. Then she said she was quitting her job and moving down to Florida to live with him. He panicked. Didn’t know what to do. He told her he was being laid off a month before she would get here, so she needed to be ready for that.

About two weeks before he was supposed to drive up and bring her down, he came stopped by to see me on his way up from Miami. Phil happened to also be visiting at the time, so it was a good couple of days. We told Will to just come clean now because there was no way it was going to end well.

That is when he looked us dead in the eye and said.

“I actually love this woman. If you ruin this for me, I will never speak to you again.”

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And he proceeded to not tell her the truth and keep us from being able to talk to her. She did end up with him in Hollywood, Florida. But that story is for next week.

Just to give you a hint as to how this story ends. Just a year ago Will told Phil and I that during this whole time, “I was just thinking with my dick.”

Enjoy the weekend everyone.

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If you missed a week, I’ve got you covered.

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