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The Things Will Carried: I'm lazy today so pranks

As the title suggests, I’m a little lazy today. It has been a crazy two weeks, and Will has once again disappointed us all. His excuse.


“I was bedridden with illness the last 10 days.”

While he was “bedridden” he did not return any calls or texts despite tweeting an retweeting approximately 262 times. Thanks Will.

So today I am reposting a couple of prank stories I wrote during an open forum last week? I think it was last week. And I will add one more at the end that is probably one of my favorite pranks on Will.

The first, Phil and I knew where the key to his house was hidden, so we got there early one day and let ourselves in and hid upstairs in a bedroom. Will gets home with another friend of his, so we wait for him to come upstairs. Three hours later we just walk down the stairs come up behind the two of them playing video games, grab Will’s shoulders and say, “what’s up” as he flips his shit and nearly falls off the couch. I may or may not have had to dodge a game cube controller being thrown at me, and then laughed as the controller rebounded and nearly nailed Will in the face because, you know, it was connected to the game cube.


The second, Phil and I had gotten Will’s car keys (don’t ask) and took his car for a spin. When we got back to his house we decided to have some fun, so we parked it at his neighbor’s house (literally a convent for cathlolic nuns). When they came out to ask what was going on, we told them it was a prank and asked if it was ok to leave the car there over night. They said sure and played along. Those were the coolest nuns ever. So we told Will that his car had run out of gas a few miles down the road and we had to walk back. Took him until the next day to see his car in the neighbors lot. The nuns never did rat us out.

And the final story for today. So I used to be something of a kleptomaniac, but only for stuff Will owned. So every time Phil and I would hang out at Will’s house I would make it a game to steal something of his (usually small) and stick it in my pocket. I always either gave it back later or put it somewhere else in the house for him to find. But one day while Phil and I were talking to Will as we were about to leave his house and go get dinner, we were standing next to his N64. The N64 was on a shelf next to the TV so it was about at my stomach level. Well as we are talking, in full view of Will because he is literally standing next to me, I take his copy of Ocarina of Time out of the N64 and stick it in my pocket. He does not notice this.


So I start driving off with Phil in the car to go to dinner, Will wasn’t going because he hates doing social things. I pull the game out of my pocket and hand it to Phil as we pull out of the driveway. He just gets the biggest grin and says, “When did you take that? We were standing with you the whole time?”

I told him I just grabbed it while we were talking and he starts to laugh. So the next day Will calls us. “Have you seen my copy of Ocarina of Time? It was here yesterday before you came.”


We tell him no, we haven’t seen it. At this point we were already on like the water temple or something, so we didn’t want to give it back yet. He texts us a few more times that day about it. Finally, we take it out of the machine, tie a shoelace around it like it is a hostage with a blind fold, put the day’s newspaper next to it and snap a photo with our phones and send it to him. I wish I still had that phone, and that picture because it was glorious.

He just about loses it. He calls us and asks how we got it. I told him about grabbing it while he was in the room and he laughs for a minute and then demands that we give it back. We tell him we will bring it to his workplace the next day.


He was working at his mother’s daycare at the time, so we pull up, I leave the car running and Phil jumps out with the game still “blindfolded” and sticks it up against the window for 30 seconds and then runs back to the car with it. I drove off as Will comes running out the front door screaming.

We finally beat the game and did everything we wanted to do a day or so later, so we called him and asked where he was. He said his mom’s house with his girlfriend so he couldn’t hang out that day. We said it was ok but we wanted to return the game so we were heading over. We get around the block from his mom’s house and Phil calls him, tells him to be out on the sidewalk in 30 seconds or he wasn’t getting the game back.


Now quick aside about Phil, he has no athleticism, never played sports, was terrible at any athletic endeavor. But damn, if he didn’t make a perfect throw this ONE time. I drove by Will’s mom’s house and Phil rolls down the window and just lobs the game towards Will, it takes one bounce of the sidewalk and hits Will square in the face. Just a perfect shot. Even he was laughing about how great of a shot it was when we called him a couple of minutes later.

And don’t worry, the game was fine. We played it together many more times after that, I even stole it again one other time.


And don’t feel bad for Will. His girlfriend, feeling sorry for him getting pegged in the face by Phil, “spent the night” with Will. One of many times we were the reason Will got lucky.


I just saw this on Facebook and remembered when Will was my roommate. I miss those days :(

If you missed a week I’ve got you covered.


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