This is a day early because I will be in St. Augustine tomorrow helping my wife enjoy her last day of freedom before she goes back to teach those barbarians called 1st graders.

Today we will begin with a couple of small anecdotes before the relatively short story. These anecdotes are to illuminate a little bit more about what kind of person Will is.

One day Will, two other friends and I sat down to play Jeopardy on the Wii. We can only play three at a time, so he sits out the first game. To start the second game, he picks up the controller and types in his name. Now we have a running thing were we always call him the king of the douche. So he types his name in... douch. We give him a funny look. He goes, oh sorry spelled it wrong, deletes it. Then writes in... doosh. In fairness to Will, he played the entire rest of the night as “doosh” and had no problems with us now calling him king of the doosh.

One night Will, myself and two other friends (Phil and Tony from the camping incident) went to the Old Orchard Beach Pier. While we were walking around Will started checking out this person’s ass. Phil and I saw him looking this person up and down, so we took a closer look. It was a guy, with a pretty solid beard actually. So we walk back to Will and he’s like, “She’s so hot” and we tell him that it is in fact a dude. He keeps saying no, her ass is so hot. So we finally walk past this guy and Will turns to give “her” a little wink. Turns back to us, “Guys that was totally a dude!”

Advertisement

Ok now we get the actual story. It won’t be much longer than the anecdotes, so really it’s three anecdotes. But this one is the best of the three so it gets top billing.

During the winter break during my sophmore year in college I went back to Maine, and while I was there Phil and I went to one of his friends New Years parties. So we get there and there are a bunch of cool people there and we are playing Smash and Tekken and Wii Sports and just dicking around a lot. We haven’t seen Will for the whole break yet, so we decide we want to give him a call and see what he is doing. We know he is probably at a party, and probably a little tipsy since he used to get really into drinking at parties.

We also know that he fancies himself a ladies man (read man-whore) so we are pretty sure he has hooked up with someone over the last few weeks. So we decide to call him and tell him that he got a girl pregnant. Not the best prank, but what took the cake was what happened next. Our mutual friend, my current roommate/tenant, walks over and says, why don’t you get someone here who he doesn’t know call him. So we get another mutual friend to take out her phone and give him a call.

Advertisement

Now this friend wasn’t sure what to say so we told her just to say that she was with him last week and she thinks she is pregnant. Will picks up the phone and she goes, “Will I was with you last night, I’m pregnant.”

We are thinking that she blew it by saying last night. But lo and behold all we can hear coming out of the phone is... “oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.” For like five minutes that is all Will says. Finally we put it on speaker phone and tell him it was us. He was pretty pissed but was like yeah you got me. Then we asked him if he had even been with anyone last night. He thought for a minute and was like, “no, haven’t had sex since I got back for the break actually.”

Advertisement


For anyone new trying to catch up on earlier installments, I’ve got you covered. Last week’s is linked in the second story above.

Advertisement