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The Things Will Carried: Schnarmandatron

I was off the last couple of weeks because I had a hospital thing to take care of, but now I did and am back with more Will! In honor of the 20th anniversary of Pokemon, here is a wonderful little story about Will losing his innocence.


I did tell a shortened version of this story on Kotaku a while back for a Pokemon post they did, so if you read it there, read it again because it is amazing.

Back when the first games, Blue and Red, came out Will and Phil both bought the opposite game. Phil grabbed Blue and rocked Squirtle and Will grabbed Red and rocked Charizard.

The two used to play every day after school and at recess, and were super into the game. One day Phil comes in and had gotten his hands on a connector cable.

So Phil asks Will if he wants to trade some Pokemon around for fun. They start trading, and Will trades Phil a Pikachu for like a Pidgey or something. Phil gets excited because he hadn’t caught a Pikachu in the forest because he never ran into one and he didn’t know where they were.


Phil gives Will a couple of other good Pokemon as a thank you, and then pulls off a great steal. He looks at Will and asks if he has beaten the game yet. Will says no. Phil tells him that he caught this great Pokemon in a hidden place after beating the game (no not Mewtwo, Phil hadn’t really beaten the game yet) and it was called Schnarmandatron. I know that name doesn’t fit into a name field for Pokemon, he had shortened it to something like Snarmndtron or something. We say Schnarmandatron now because that is how he pronounced it.

So Will starts asking questions about it, Phil answers every one like this is a super legit thing. Will asks what Phil wants for it. Phil says since he can’t get a Charizard in his game because he already chose Squirtle, he wants the Charizard. Will agonizes for a few minutes then relents. They start the trade.


Now this is back in the old days when the trade happened one Pokemon at a time and not simultaneously. So Will’s Pokemon transfers first. Charizard pops up on Phil’s screen and Phil is pumped. Then Schnarmandatron starts being transferred.

As soon as it pops out of the Pokeball on Will’s screen, Will tears out the cord connecting the GameBoys and starts screaming NO!


The Pokemon Phil had traded him was just a Rattata.

Now the story could end there, and it would be funny enough. Will traded his Charizard for a stupidly named Rattata. But this story has a moral, and that moral is never be mean in Pokemon because you could create a monster.


Will found out that if you pull the cord after the first Pokemon is sent, you can get both Pokemon out of the trade and screw the other person. So he started going around and ripping the cord out every single time he made a trade and then laughing and finding another sucker to steal Pokemon from.

He still blames Phil for tricking him out of a Charizard.

If you missed a week earlier, I’ve got you covered.


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