What horrors await?
Laser scorpions: not sure if a scorpion has got ahold of a laser or if the scorpion is made out of laser but in any case it’s a bad scene all around.
Our future selves holding our past selves at gunpoint: you can’t negotiate with yourself-you’re a madman. At any moment PHHHHHhsh paradox. End of story.
The richest hobo ever Hubert “chucklin’ Eddy” Appleton III. He rides on a silver train playing a harmonica that could buy and sell you. Don’t get on his bad side.
President Garfield ghost. Careful, he’s good pals with Shaft’s ghost! They’ll kick your ass all day then dance all night with the ladies.
Laser lion. Yep, a laser has formed into a lion and is forty stories tall, eating the in-laws and rampaging through Bloomington. Damned fools why’d we invent lasers in the first place. Should of known they’d eat us, eventually.
Attack helicopter that thinks it’s people. Group therapy incoming.
Sniper Dog: imagine a dog that could just as easily shoot you at distance or play dead.
Thousand year old super AI- From another planet. It’s so smart but it doesn’t have a program to teach it about true love.
Dynamite Jones. Yes he’s back for another adventure: he’s fought Nazis, he’s fought cannibals, he punched the queen of England in the neck (then promptly married her). Now he’s back for a new adventure only he’s talking to himself a lot and gets angry easily. He’s just not the same.
Octopus-legged time cat.
Also there were 5 ninjas in the list but you missed all of them.