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We Watched It So You Don't Have To: Devoured

poster for the movie devoured
Graphic: crypticroc

Summary

Aikage

A woman moves to NYC to make money so her kid can have his operation. It’s never explicitly mentioned what’s wrong with her kid except that he’s behind a fence and bleeding from his mouth. Throughout the 90 minute run time you watch as the woman cleans, is sexually harassed repeatedly. And I mean REPEATEDLY. And then dies. I’d say it’s a spoiler, but the opening scene is her dead, so…. The director thinks your mind will be blown by the ending I guess?

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Discussion

Aikage

This movie was boring as hell. The effects were like George Romero zombie bad. The ending did NOT blow my mind despite me preparing myself mentally for my inevitable death. I kid you not, roughly 50% of the movie is just watching this woman wipe counters. She will wipe some counters, interact with people who hate her, go home and call her son, repeat until the movie ends. If you’re curious how to professionally set a table, then this is the movie film for you. I knew we were in trouble when the opening shot is the definition of the word “devour”.

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Kidechka

I’m pretty sure the movie was called Devoured, not Devour, (Aikage: I had originally titled the document “Devour”) but that really doesn’t even matter. So this lady does indeed move to NYC to make money for an undisclosed operation for her child. Right off the bat, I’m arguing with the movie because you can’t make boatloads of money by just moving to NYC and getting whatever job you can find. I tried. It didn’t work.

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She does a really good job cleaning this restaurant, however. But I’m also upset that she didn’t branch out. How can you make money cleaning one restaurant every night? It just doesn’t make sense. But as Aikage said, I was promised a mind-blowing ending, so I watched her scrub and polish. I watched her set tables that would make my Yiaya weep tears of joy and her 1950 Silver Dining Club. I watched and I waited for anything -ANYTHING- to happen.

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What did happen was a lot of sexual assault and maybe a little bit of stabbing. The mind-blowing ending was a transparent copy-paste of pretty much every movie in the genre. I think the only way this could have been worse was if they put definitions on the screen for you to...oh wait. They did. They did do that.

Gore Rating

Aikage

1/5 - some stabbing, some teeth stuff. Nothing too over the top.Boring.

Kidechka

0/5 - I’ve hurt myself worse in the garden.

Scare Rating

Aikage

5/5 - you can actually feel your life draining out of you as you watch this movie so...incredibly effective.

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Kidechka

1 / 5 - There was this one part where there was a head in a closet and even the actress sighed and rolled her eyes. You know who’s scarier? The Duolingo bird.

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An image meme of the Duolingo bird crying with the caption "Learn Italian Today or He Will Eat a Poison Loaf of Bread."
Put. The. Bunny. Down.
Image: reddit (Other)

Should you Watch it even though We Watched it So You Don’t Have To?

Aikage

God no.

Kidechka

No. Not even a polite pass. If you see this movie in your recommendations, scroll as fast as you can and don’t look back.

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Watched on

Amazon Prime


We Watched It So You Don’t Have To is a series created by Kidechka and Aikage as an excuse to plumb the depths of the worst movies streaming services have to offer. Have a suggestion for our next movie? Drop it below! Don’t forget to like, comment and subscribe........

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