Aikage: A janitor has intercourse with a corpse and contracts a radioactive STD which causes him to become a horny zombie.
Kidechka: So then the guy goes home and begins to...I can’t even give a proper summary of this movie. I’m thinking about it, going what in the world did we watch? It was literally the worst thing I have ever seen. And then there are teenagers. And there is a gas station attendant. It just….doesn’t make any sense whatsoever. Giant sex parts. STD’s.
Aikage: Just don’t watch this movie. Here, I’ll spoil the best part of the movie for you.
After surviving to the end of the movie, the main character finds two other survivors. They ask him why he’s headed south when they just said the whole southern US is overrun with horny zombies. He looks into the camera and says, “google just searched for a hero and I came up #1” as the camera zooms in on his face.
Then he gets hit by a truck.
Kidechka: Dirk, may he rest in peace. I even hated THAT guy. There was a great character, though. The chain-smoking gas station attendant. She is likeable only in that she literally does not care, as I did not care, about anyone in this train-wreck of a torture porn parody.
Aikage: Many reproductive organs are removed by hand, many reproductive organs are given teeth or faces, many reproductive organs have noxious, poisonous gas shot out of them. Did I mention reproductive organs? The whole movie is a cringe fest of bad decisions.
Kidechka Instead of ever being grossed out, I found myself more throwing my hands up in a single, loud cry to the universe. WHY?
Aikage: It’s terrifying that this movie saw the light of day and no one told the directing family (yes the whole family seems to have chipped in based on the credits) that maybe it wasn’t such a great idea for a movie. Otherwise there’s not a single scare to be had in this movie.
Kidechka: There is a band involved here (again). Angry Johnny and the Killbillies. Country Punk. I think that was the scariest part.
A: They were certainly no…*googles furiously* uhhhh that band from that last movie.
K: What was the last movie?
A: Tonight she comes
K: Frankie Ray?
A: No that was the dad - It was the hipster’s band I think
K: Maybe we should just leave this text instead...
This has been another installment of Aikage and Kidechka watching horror movies so bad they hurt. Feel free to check out our other reviews with the WWISYDHT tag (we’ll figure out something catchier eventually. Maybe. probably. Who knows!)