I'm really feeling it!
I'm really feeling it!
Illustration for article titled ConsulTAYtion: Online Relationships, Mad Dads, and Bears

Welcome to ConsulTAYtion, the community advice column where each week a guest author peers into the Necronomicon answers YOUR most pressing questions.


This Week's Guest Columnist: MementoMorie

My new girlfriend wants to make our relationship "Facebook official" but I think that's gross. She got mad when I said as much. It's not like I'm trying to keep it a secret or something, I just don't see why we have to make a big social media announcement. Am I being unreasonable?


Look, I understand that it can be hard when you and your girlfriend are on the opposite sides of two warring families, both alike in dignity, and you just don't want to rock the boat. Oh, that's not what's happening? You're not in a situation where you face any sort of punishment for putting your relationship status on Facebook? It's really not that big of a deal. The only detail that makes me a tad sympathetic to you, writer, is that she is your "new girlfriend." Now if girl has been with you for a week and is aggressively pushing the Facebook issue, that's a bit much. But time moves differently for each person, so I don't know how new your new girlfriend is. If you've been together for a few months and she still cares about facebook, I would encourage you to suck it up and put it out there. It's not really a "big social media announcement." It matters to some people, and if I'm being completely honest it can feel kind of nice to have it on there.

At this point, you just have to decide if you care about your girlfriend or your diametric opposition to relationship stati on Facebook more. You could break up with her, and lean back in your chair smugly, secure in the knowledge that you didn't compromise the beliefs that really define you as a person - your brave resistance being coupled on Facebook.


Or you can just put your relationship on Facebook and realize that nothing about your life has changed at all except for having a less upset and insecure girlfriend.

P.S. if you want to compromise and only be kind of a jerk, do this: set your relationship status so only you see it. Then get into a relationship with your girl on Facebook. Wait a few days before making it public. Bam. It's on there without the big "Gary Possible Commitment Issues Stu is in a relationship with Mary Sue <3" thing on the newsfeed.

I've been seeing someone long-distance for a while now, and it's getting serious. The problem is whenever I've told friends or family members about it they seem to think it's impossible that I eventually want to move to be with someone that I've never met in person. How can I convince them that it's "real" so that they might act supportive and happy for me instead of skeptical?


Clearly the only thing left to do is to leave your bedroom door open when you're getting frisky on Skype so everyone can see how committed you are. Have your boyfriend/girlfriend send carrier pigeons bearing romantic poems to your house.

But as to the real advice, it might just be a "in the fullness of time" issue. Healthy skepticism on the part of your friends and family is understandable. No matter how much online relationships increase in popularity, parents still have a hard time grasping how love works in this modern, crazy, digital age. I'm going to assume for the sake of argument that your friends and family aren't assholes. There's no point going out of your way to prove how serious your relationship is. If it lasts, your loved ones should come around.


That said, I don't even know you and I too have a hard time not raising an eyebrow at your desire to move to be with someone you've never met in person. Regardless of your gender, guuuuuuuuuuuuuurl. I'm not saying your relationship won't last, but for Djesus's sake please spend some time with your significant other before making a decision to relocate your life to be with them. If it truly does get that serious (ARE YOU FACEBOOK OFFICIAL?), then spend some weekends with them, introduce them to your doubting family, etc. Yeah yeah, travel is expensive, but not as expensive as moving and realizing you've made a terrible mistake. Because sometimes when internet people meet, sparks fly, and sometimes they stand and stare at each other like 7th graders at a school dance.

How do you deal with family members that are always angry and start arguments all the time? My father is a diehard rightwinger, and he's opposed to essentially everything I do that's not oriented towards making his life better, like doing homework, studying for tests, being on the internet, being in my room (this one is his favorite... he says I'm hiding away from the world or something just because I actually have stuff I like to do in my room), playing video games, reading news etc. and he gets mad at me and my family over extremely minor things. It's the worst whenever politics comes up. He always watches Fox News, and whenever he hears any liberal thought he goes into a temper tantrum that I just have no idea how to deal with. He yells at the family all the time because of this and it's really wearing me out. Thanks in advance.


There is this Latin phrase - Contra principia negantem non est disputandum – which means, crudely, that if you can't agree on a basic foundation on which to hold a discussion, discussions are useless. That's how I feel about crazed right-wingers. There is just such an insurmountable gap between how they see the world and how we see the world that it's futile to get into it. Also, angry people like attention and often a small part of them wants to get blowback so they can be angrier. When your dad is raging, the best thing to do is ignore him. Just let him rant about Obummer and commies and Benghazi until he runs out of steam. With my family, I used to feel like I needed to be extra liberal to counteract it, but that just ended in more fights and useless yelling.

It sounds like that's not the only issue, though. I assume you are young, a student, and not really in a position to move out right now. Unfortunately your dad sounds like he's veering into being abusive to you and other family members, so I know simply ignoring it won't solve the problem. Are you in a position to talk to the rest of the family about how he makes you feel and how it's upsetting the peace of the household? Ideally you could stage an intervention with everyone on board to explain how disruptive your father is to the household environment.

Who is you favorite bear? Come on be honest!

Hmm. Teddie from Persona 4. And thus I avoid choosing between Shardik and Novi.


Special thanks to Morie for writing in this week!

Have a question? Send an email to questionsfortay@gmail.com!

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