“Keep politics out of my video games!” No.

Okay, I will put a disclaimer. This is for fun. As many politicians have correctly said, the internet can be a breeding ground for vicious and nasty insults and threats against politicians. This explicitly won’t be that. Abuse is not cool, and I totally condemn it. Instead this is meant as light-hearted satire at each of the following politician’s public persona’s that are propagated for better or worse through mainstream media and discourse. Any criticisms of this article will be heard, and I will promptly delete the article should controversy occur.

Okay. Covered my back? Good, let’s go.

(Anyway, in 2017 nearly all Western Political establishments are basically Pantomimes at the moment, so I don’t feel as though it’s particularly off limit.)

Jeremy Corbyn

Ol’ Jezza is most definitely a Minecraft player. Classic mode, no frills. The guy probably spent his first night in a small mud house built into the side of a mountain, and then just decided to stay there. He’s mined so far down that he’s kitted out in all diamond armour, but still hasn’t built a front door. He makes do with a block of mud. Simple guy is our Jez.

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Jacob Rees-Mogg

Obviously, Rees-Mogg is a Tomb Raider 2 fan. But instead of playing through the actual story mode, he just constantly runs around Croft Manor. The guy must have mastered the run from the Maze to the secret treasure room by now. He would attempt to play another level, but where else can you find this kind of luxury? Winston the Butler probably hasn’t been let out of the Freezer for about 15 years.

Boris Johnson

Boris is very close to completing Xcom 2. He has made sure to customise his team down to the exact details as well. The whole squad is there. Theresa the Support. Jeremy the Demolition guy. Amber the Assault class. Oh, did Michael Gove the Sniper just get abducted by the ADVENT? Oh, what a shame. Boris definitely didn’t see that coming, no sir. He could revert the save, but…

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Theresa May

Poly Bridge. And she’s damn good at it too. No matter what you throw at her bridges, whether it’s a tank, a boulder, boats, all different kinds of weather, her bridges hold. They are solid and steady bridges. Solid and steady. Solid and steady.

John Bercow

On his evenings off, the Speaker of the house lives nothing more than to waste some hours on Ultimate Epic Battle Simulator. He just likes to click play, and watch as 100 T-Rex’s maul through 1000 penguins. It relaxes John. Takes his mind off his day job, which is essentially just like playing the game but the exact opposite.

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What other video games do you think Politician’s play? Let’s chat in the comments. Keep it civil and light-hearted kids.