I'm really feeling it!
I'm really feeling it!
Illustration for article titled Where Does Snakes Horse Appear From So Suddenly?

So naturally, as people do, I got myself into an argument about just where exactly Big Boss's horse comes from in the new 20 minute gameplay presentation first shown at TGS 2014.


The argument was as such: "I'm really worried about The Phantom Pain. As I expected, Big Boss called his horse and it appeared out of nowhere. It doesn't explain this at all."


Now this got me worried; not because the horse is magic (read: fictitious) but because there was someone out in this world who was opposed to the idea of a magically appearing (read: dreadfully convenient) horse and was casting a very bad light, and very publicly so, on a game that I believe everyone should love regardless. Metal Gear Solid is a game rife with misunderstanding, and all it needs is someone to put that right. Naturally I confronted him.

"OH NO. Kojma y did u ruin geam!!!! KOJMA HAS RUIND GEAM WITH THE GEAM HORES!"


Yes, that will show him the error of his ways. That will display to the fellow that I'm a much better contender than he and that I, Viexi, am much more versed in the annals of Metal Gear. I speak, and all should bow before me (except for Kojima who gets a jail-free card, permanently.)

But alas I made him angry.

"Jesus Christ, my comment got all this nonsense? Yeah It's not a big deal.
But a fan can't express any worries or negativity?
I don't know about you guys, but I prefer open discussions over issues fans may have as opposed to all of us mutually jacking off to our lord and saviour Kojima."


And he has a point. There was no need to be a douche. I was a douche. I was the hugest douche and I would win nobody over with my meager argument. I'm sorry Suneku-san! Kojima-san! I will right my wrongs! I decided to retort. I wished to convey to this fellow how important it is to suspend one's belief, and that this was a video game to be enjoyed and cherished and-

"Why worries? God forbid, Hideo Kojima wants to make a game that's fun. I don't know about you, but I've got enough time to waste in my short life without needing to play "Horse waiting simulator 2015". Awesome! Kojima's added a sniper that can turn her organs invisib-OH MY GOD THE HORSE APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE WHAT A TRAVESTY."


Okay so I was less courteous on paper than in my head... Okay, that's not terrible. I can bring this back. I'm a good guy, really. I just really love Metal Gear a little bit too much. He got mad again.

"I'll make it clearer. The appearing horse is pointless. There is no in game way of explaining it.
Yes Quiet is crazy and so is fultoning (although real), atleast the game addresses these issues. IF I was out of range for the horse, the easy in game explanation would be dismiss the horse and have it fultoned to you. There is little to no need for a magic horse..the game mechanics are all ready in place."


I panicked. He's got an argument! I had to make him see that my way of thinking is correct! He must see that Metal Gear Solid is a game, and that magic horses should be considered normal and healthy, and vital to the very universe of Metal Gear! If he wanted an explanation, by GOD would I give him one! I decided the best course of action would be to give him the explanation he so desperately desires! I would write it for him!

And here it was:

Boss knew in advance which LZ he'd be landing at.

Boss says "Kaz, secure an LZ for me and make sure my horse is ready upon landing."

Kaz says "Sure Boss, your horse will be ready and waiting. Just be sure to take it easy; the jungle can be unforgiving, and I'd rather not hold another cremation for it. Human or no, it's still a vital asset to Mother Base."

Boss stares a while, and nods. He climbs into the helicopter. He goes off to his destination. He can feel the wind on his nipples and it's sort of nice.

The helicopter touches down. Boss looks around a bit. "Ah, Kaz was right. It's quite dense..."

Boss whistles for his horse. It comes running from around the corner, sauntering up to Boss elegantly and with all the quietude of a highly skilled companion. The horse was deposited only moments before Boss' arrival, in order to ensure minimum detection.

Of course, none of this is explicitly explained because a) It's a game, and or b) It's a demo level made to show off the game, and not the story and every plothole that ever existed ever.


PERFECT! He must see my side of things now! He must be swayed by my charisma, my knowledge, my understanding of the characters and how horses magically appear! He simply must!

Okay so the last paragraph was a bit narky, but that's okay right? He got his explanation! He can't deny me now!

I'm just gonna delete the whole thread, can't stand pointless arguments like this. I'd rather not have this "debate" floating around the groups history. Waste of space.

Illustration for article titled Where Does Snakes Horse Appear From So Suddenly?

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