I'm really feeling it!
I'm really feeling it!
Illustration for article titled Would you play with Yourself?em/em

The only online, team based, competitive game that I play every so often is Battlefield 4. Almost every time I play I can’t help but feel resentful towards my less skilled teammates. I often end up wondering what it would be like to play with 31 clones of myself.

Perhaps less skilled is the wrong choice of words. I’m not referring to their ability to aim and shoot. I once stole a light tank from the enemy team. This is a big boon for my team as the other team won’t get the tank back unless they steal it back or destroy it. I repaired it, but I had to stay behind and protect the objective. So I instructed someone else to take it, and also told him to be careful with it, as it is an enemy tank. He jumped in, drove directly into heavy enemy fire and got blown up within 10 seconds of getting into the tank.


The Operation Locker map in Battlefield 4 is an example of poor map design. Or is it? I wrote an article about how it may secretly be genius, but I never published it. With this 60 days of writing challenge, it’s a good a time as any, quality be damned.

The map is nothing more than a straight line. When playing the map in conquest mode, the first team that captures the middle flag and has the presence of mind to cover the only 3 paths that there are, wins. People seldom realize the simple strategy of: get there first.

I’ve also found myself jumping in front of people, just to have them ignore my pleads for ammo. There’s no way they couldn’t have noticed me, so I can only assume that they made the conscious decision to not drop the ammo. I end up praying that my support class teammates are killed, so that I can take the ammo off their corpses.

I often wonder how my team would fare if all 32 players were clones of me. In the heat of battle I conclude that, the team of I, would undoubtedly do better than a team of randoms. I’m a fairly average player, with a very average 1.6 kill/death ratio. I care more about winning the game than getting the most kills. I mainly do what I can to help my team. But maybe I don’t know myself as well as I think.


Humanity gains much of a its strength from how diverse we are as a species. Everyone is different in some way. Even if I was the best Battlefield 4 player in the world, having a whole team of one specialist could be easily exploited.


I think having just one squad consist of my clones would be sufficient. I also have to consider the possibility of dark clones. The ones who hate the fact that they aren’t the original. They may just make it their mission to sabotage the whole game.

Perhaps in the future we may have computer technology that can emulate a person’s play style, habits, and temperament with good enough accuracy for me to test this out. So I ask you, dear reader. What do you think would happen if you were to play with yourself?

Papito Qinn is into the whole YouTube thing, is the winner of the 2016 SpookTAYcular Scary Story Contest, and atwitter incompetent. “This is where we go to find out which celebrities have died.”

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